funny quotes about life goodreads
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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
―
Albert Einstein
“So many books, so little time.”
―
Frank Zappa
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
―
Mae West
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
―
Narcotics Anonymous
“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
―
Jane Austen,
Northanger Abbey
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
―
Steve Martin
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
―
Mark Twain
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
―
Douglas Adams,
The Salmon of Doubt
“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
―
Garrison Keillor
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
―
Robert A. Heinlein
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
―
Charles M. Schulz
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
―
Jim Henson
“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
―
Woody Allen
“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
―
Paul Terry
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
―
Groucho Marx
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
―
Charles Bukowski
“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
―
John Green
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
―
Terry Pratchett,
Diggers
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
―
George Carlin
“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
―
Benjamin Franklin Wade
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
―
W.C. Fields
“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
―
Charles M. Schulz
“Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”
―
Suzanne Collins,
The Hunger Games
“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
―
Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice
“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
―
Lewis Carroll
“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes," said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.”
―
J.K. Rowling,
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
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“That does it," said Jace. "I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year.""Why?" Isabelle said."So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means.”
―
Cassandra Clare,
City of Ashes
“I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then?”
―
Neil Gaiman,
Coraline
“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”
―
Bernard Branson
“A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.”
―
Harry Styles
“When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really PLAYED.”
―
Dr. Seuss
“No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt”
―
Hunter S. Thompson
“I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.”
―
Dr. Seuss,
The Cat in the Hat
“When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.”
―
Shannon L. Alder
“Who are you?" he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.”
―
Eoin Colfer,
The Time Paradox
“And the sun and the moon sometimes argue over who will tuck me in at night. If you think I am having more fun than anyone on this planet, you are absolutely correct.”
―
Hafiz
“Are you a female dog?""What?" Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!”
―
Lisi Harrison,
The Clique
“You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.”
―
A.A. Miline
“My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.”
―
Terry Pratchett
“You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees.”
―
Grace Willows,
To Kiss a King
“I can’t imagine anything worse than being required to have fun. ”
―
Scott Westerfeld
“So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.”
―
George Carlin,
Brain Droppings
“Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.”
―
Eoin Colfer,
The Time Paradox
“It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none. ”
―
Snoop Dogg
“It isn't about love," Vee said. "It's about fun.”
―
Becca Fitzpatrick,
Hush, Hush
“I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.”
―
Eoin Colfer,
The Time Paradox
“You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.”
―
viggo mortensen
“I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late start without me.”
―
Tallulah Bankhead
“I choose to write because it's perfect for me. It's an escape, a place I can go to hide. It's a friend, when I feel out casted from everyone else. It's a journal, when the only story I can tell is my own. It's a book, when I need to be somewhere else. It's control, when I feel so out of control. It's healing, when everything seems pretty messed up.And it's fun, when life is just flat-out boring.”
―
Alysha Speer
“Simon snorted. "If you ever meet the man who could take advantage of Isabelle, you'll have to let me know. I'd like to shake his hand. Or run away from him very fast, I'm not sure which.”
―
Cassandra Clare,
City of Glass
“The clever people at CERN are smashing particles together in the hope that Doctor Who will turn up and tell them to stop”
―
Ben Aaronovitch,
Moon Over Soho
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“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
―
Lili St. Crow
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
―
Amit Kalantri
“It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.
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