funny quick quotes
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2.) “Some people are such treasures you just want to bury them.”
3.) “My alone time is for everyone’s safety.”
4.) “If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.”
5.) “Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.”
6.) “May be you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.”
7.) “My wallet is like an onion opening it makes me cry.”
8.) “You make me wish I had more middle fingers.”
9.) “Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks “what the fuck are you doing.”
10.) “You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.”Hilarious quotes to make you laugh11.) “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
12.) “Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.”
13.) “If life gives you lemon, add vodka.”
14.) “Dear autocorrect, I’m getting a bit tired of your shit.”
15.) “Be the reason someone smiles today.”
16.) “Women are made to be loved, not understood.”
17.) “Finding friend with the same mental disorder! priceless.”
18.) “Why was the cook arrested? He was beating an egg.”
19.) “If you fall, I’ll be there.” – The floor.
20.) “I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.”Short funny quotes that pack a punch of laughter21.) “I had an extremely busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.”
22.) “Do you ever look at someone and think, dick head.”
23.) “Alexa, clean up my act.”
24.) “Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.”
25.) “Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.”
26.) “If idiot could fly this place would be an airport.”
27.) “What did the daughter corn ask the mother corn? Where’s popcorn?
28.) “People who are using their phones without back cover don’t care about anyone.”
29.) “Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
30.) “Life is nota fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”Most hilarious short quotes31.) “When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.”
32.) “One day I’m gonna make onions cry.”
33.) “They say good things take time. That’s why I’m always late.”
34.) “I don’t have grey hair I have wisdom highlights.”
35.) “The fridge is a perfect example of what matters is on the inside.”
36.) “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
37.) “I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.”
38.) “I ate a donut without sprinkles diets are hard.”
39.) “I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.”
40.) “I feel like I’m already tired tomorrow.”Funny quotes from the world’s funniest people41.) “If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.”
42.) “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste.”
43.) “If your phone doesn’t ring, It’s me.”
44.) “I finally quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.”
45.) “Roses are red, I’m going to bed.”
46.) “My bed is a place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”
47.) “Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last if you freeze it?
48.) “I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”
49.) “The smarter you get, the less you speak.”
50.) “People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.”Shorts funny quotes to make you laugh51.) “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”
52.) “There are some idiots who always answer “No” to every question, now tell me. Are you one of them?
53.) “Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.”
54.) “I’m not shy, I’m just really good at figuring out who’s worth talking to.”
55.) “You can sum up this sport in two words: “You never know.”
56.) “The world’s most funniest and easiest thing is to give an advice.”
57.) “It’s better not to argue with women.”
58.) “I feel like I should clean the house so I’m going to take a nap until that feeling passes.
59.) “God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
60.) “Shortest horror story ever: MondayFinal thoughts on short funny quotesFunny quotesare always make your day and If you like are these funny quotes then please do let us know in the comment section provided below.”
Whether full-on sarcasm, clever puns or simple witty words are more your thing, this is a great collection and you are bound to find more than a handful that will have you laughing.
Hopefully, you’ve found a little fun and laughter in the above list of funny quotes. If you’re interested in more funny, and inspiring words and quotes, be sure to check out:
Famous funny guy Charlie Chaplin once said, "A day without laughter is a day wasted," and we couldn't agree more. Whether you're having a bad day or know someone who could use a little cheering up, laughter really is the best medicine — plus, there are so many ways to tickle your funny bone. Telling corny jokes or watching feel-good comedies is a sure-fire way to add levity to your day, but if you need a quick fix, then we've got tons offunny quotesthat are guaranteed to ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life's stresses.
We’ve got hilarious quotes about love, marriage, aging, parenting, friendship, and many more topics that are oh-so relatable and undeniably clever. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or even just to print and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life's not that serious — and we’re all much better off laughing so we don't cry! With quotes from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller, here are the best laugh-out-loud quotes to enjoy anytime you need a laugh. Looking for more inspiration? Be sure to check out these funny graduation quotes and inspirational quotes about life as well.
26. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." —Oprah Winfrey
30. "When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"―Groucho Marx
34. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you." —Rita Mae Brown
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